A few months ago we had to make the difficult decision to say goodbye to our sweet little fur child Nick. It was sudden, too soon, and not something that either of us was prepared for. Just sitting here writing this post, thinking of him, has me shedding tears. I miss him so much, it hurts me to my core and for a long time I felt empty, raw…and found myself in a complete state of disbelief. Like at any given moment, he would hop on my lap and snuggle me with cuddles and love. Unfortunately, that has not happened yet…but what I wanted to share with you today are the things that have helped me cope, and the little things you can do for yourself if you find yourself in a similar situation. Because losing a pet is difficult and challenging, below are five helpful steps you can take to provide some nurture during an extremely emotionally painful time.
GRIEVE + RELEASE YOUR EMOTIONS
Let’s be real. I cried myself to sleep every night for the first month… at least…but it truly did help me move past all the sadness. We all need time to grieve and to experience our emotions, fully. Give yourself time to feel, experience, and let the emotions you are experiencing release…whenever those emotions hit. This is a journey though the grief of your loss and if you stuff those emotions down, trying to not feel them, you will only cause yourself more pain down the road.
REFLECT ON THE GOOD LIFE YOU + YOUR PET SHARED
For the first month after Nick’s passing Tyler and I would share our favorite little things about him every night at dinner time, since this was typically our “family time” together. Focusing on the positive memories that we all shared allowed us to experience a different emotion from pain and turned our thoughts from loss, to gratitude for what time we did get to spend with him. This was one of the most important steps we took to healing. Reflection can be hard and really painful, so make time to reflect either through writing, storytelling, or whatever form of expression brings you comfort.
MEMORIALIZE YOUR PET
This was by far the most impactful and crucial step we took in the healing process. Sometimes, we get to say “goodbye” before the passing of our pets and then sometimes we don’t get to say “goodbye”… and not having a form of closure in this process can leave some feeling as though they have a hole in their hearts. For us, we did get to say goodbye, but we were incredibly distraught with a handful of decisions we had made leading up to final goodbye. The day after Nick passed, the hubs and I sat down and chose a very special Urn which we felt memorialized him. It was a handcrafted piece of pottery from Portland, Oregon (which we ordered off of Etsy) that just called out to us.
Once the urn arrived, we held a little memorial for Nick. Lit a candle, said our goodbyes and placed his remains inside the urn. It was really special, and I think Nick would have been grateful. We also created a framed photo of his paw prints to go alongside the urn, and my parents gifted me a necklace with Nick’s paw print on it.
Memorializing the memory of your beloved pet can be a good way of ascertaining some form of closure and there is never a wrong way to memorialize the beautiful experiences and life that was shared. Do what you feel is right in memorializing your loved fur-child.
MAINTAIN YOUR ROUTINE
I cannot even begin to tell you how many mornings in a row I did not want to get out of bed after Nick passed. It was by far the hardest part of every day for me. You see, we had our routine. He would jump on the bed to wake me up and lay with me every single morning, and without him there, I felt like my mornings were empty. My advice? Don’t do what I did! Maintain your routine, and even though it will be hard you will be better off in the long run – especially if you have other animals in the house. Animals thrive on routines and structure, so while you’re grieving, your living pets are also experiencing the loss and absence of your pet and their companion. Try to maintain walking routines and feeding schedules as not to disrupt their process or your own. Routines allow us a sense of structure and familiarity, although the first few times can be painful, this pain will reduce over time.
SEEK SUPPORT FROM LOVED ONES
Although grief is a highly individualistic experience, we find solace in support from friends and family. For the first month after Nick passed, I spent time on the phone talking to anyone who would listen about how great Nick was, how much I missed him, how I was still so upset, etc. etc. I am so grateful to those friends and family members that listened and took my calls. People grieve in their own way, but it’s important to recognize when you need support during your grief process. Other forms of support could be going on a walk with a friend after the death of your animal or getting a cup of coffee. It might also look like seeking support from a helping professional to process through the pain and anxieties of losing your pet and this was another step I took in the healing process.
Because I had so much anxiety about the decisions Tyler and I made leading up to Nick’s ultimate passing, I sought out a psychic medium and animal communicator and set an appointment with Thea Strom. I really did not know what to expect from my time with Thea, but I went with an open mind and a lot of questions. Looking back, this was by far the best decision I could have made as it gave me closure, eliminated all the guilt I had surrounding Nick’s passing and grounded me in the knowledge that Nick was still spiritually with me, every step of the way. If you’re open to the experience, I really do encourage you to find a medium to help you also bridge the gap. And, if you’re still unsure about the process, I’m more than happy to discuss my conversation with Thea and everything I gained from our time spent together with you. Simply send me an email, or leave your question below.
I hope any one of these tips help you in some way with your grief, if you’re ever faced with losing a pet.
Much love,
M
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